How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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