My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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