I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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