And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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