I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
