So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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