It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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