I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
