can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
