the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.