I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE