Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone