My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
