so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
