Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
