id be glad to
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
