Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
