I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
