The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
