She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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