I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize