I'm so fucking centered right now
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
