I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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