Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
