I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
