Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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