So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
it glows. i had to have it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
