I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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