so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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