; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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