So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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