So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
