I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
