why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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