remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
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I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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