xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
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