Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
