Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Who died my cat blue again?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
