I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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