that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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