is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
