And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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