I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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