I'm going to jail i love you
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
