i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
