Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
