Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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