Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
