I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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