The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
