My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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