What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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