If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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