dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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