He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
