Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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