so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
