Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
