Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
