i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
